A Short by Tayfur Aydın
This place is too noisy, I can’t stand it sometimes. There is a sound, a buzzing like some kind of a machine is constantly running. But it’s ok, it’s warm. It’s small, but it’s warm. There is a sweet lady, her name is mommy. Sometimes, she touches the wall. I was scared at first, it was loud. But everything is loud here. Every sound surrounds me, everything surrounds me. I was very scared at first, but it’s ok now, I’m used to it. I even miss it sometimes. It feels lonely without her touching the wall. I touch back. There is no one but me here.
We have a connection. I love her and I think she likes me too. She calls me with sweet names. I heard her call me pie. I have eaten pie before. She gave me some pie, she is kind like that. She laughs a lot, makes me chuckle too but I don’t think she hears me. I tried to talk to her but she does not answer back. But she talks to me all the time, I hear her. I don’t know why she doesn’t hear me, it’s already dark here and lonely. I wish I could see her once. She must be so big. Her hand surrounds me. My hands are small but they grow fast, I will catch her, I know I will. I just have to get to the other side.
I make her laugh a lot. She thinks I’m funny. Mom also thinks I’m funny. I used to confuse two of them a lot. Mom sounds tired. Mommy is energetic and happy. I make her happy a lot. But she is so sad today. I don’t know why. I hear her crying. Makes me cry too because I love her. I say “Please mommy don’t cry, I’m here, look I will kick the wall now, look!”, but she never hears me. I just want her to stop crying.
I like the smell of strawberries, and chocolate. Mommy gave them to me. She gives me sweet things that smell good. But I did not like this one. It burns my nose and makes my head spin. I like the spinning part, but I don’t like the burning and the sounds. It’s crowded behind the wall. I kick the wall “Stop it, stop it! Too loud!” and they never hear me. They are not even happy. I like happy sounds. Everyone is so sad. When everyone is sad, I become sad. I’m connected to them. I’m connected to everything that goes on behind the wall. There’s a rope attached to my tummy, it goes outside. I tried to get out once, pressed my legs and tried to jump but it is too wet here. I could not jump in water. My head is too big anyways, I can’t get out. I just wanted to see mommy.
I don’t know what is happening but I did not like it. I fear something bad is happening. Everyone tells mommy it’s going to be alright. She does not believe them, I don’t believe them, either. But I have to tell mommy it will all be alright, just like them. It’s strange, I have always been in the dark here but now everything feels somehow darker, and heavier. My hands feel heavier, my head feels heavier. I’m getting tired but I don’t want to sleep. Mommy? Mommy? no mommy I’m not dead don’t you hear me ? I’m fine I’m not dying! Why do you never hear me?
I never got to see her, I didn’t get to see any of them. I know what dying is. Daddy died too. We never saw him again. Mommy cries when someone dies. I don’t want to be like daddy, I don’t want to leave mommy. We had so much fun together mommy, don’t worry mom told me Daddy is watching us and smiling at us, and we should not forget daddy. Don’t forget me mommy. I will finally see your face, I will watch over you just like daddy and everything, every smalles detail, will be written on my heart for ever.